Happy New Year. F-You 2008, you will not be missed. Oh I really need some stuff with the house to happen this year. Like you know getting the F out of it. Protecting my son. What's with all the F's? Perhaps I should "adult content" my blog so I can swear, what do you think, Bonnie?!

The other day, when it was my turn to wake up with Egg, I just screamed over and over for half an hour that I couldn't cope. I meant it. I have warned Eggs dad for a long time now that I felt I was on the verge of a breakdown, now I can feel it getting closer. Like my sanity was hanging of the cliff with me pulling it up, holding tight to it's hand. But now, well, now I am tired. My hand, the one holding up my sanity, is giving up. That morning I felt like I want to go to a hospital or something and tell them that I am trapped in a damp house and I don't know what to do. Perhaps they would give think I was a nutter, or a drunk and inject me with something sweet and give me a bed, let me rest my tired head (even though I sleep more than my fair share-it's not the sleep need as such, though I am tired, it's more the not being awake part).

I feel like I am actually going mad. I cannot be the mother I want to be if all my time is spent telling Egg not to touch the damp. My depression has nothing to do with Egg, NOTHING. It's mostly the house, with some other stuff thrown in.

I am not trying to scare any of you, I don't want to die. I have some amazing moments with Egg. He is my all. Eggs dad too, goes without say. Oh fuck now I am crying. I can't believe this house, the one that I live in for FREE to HELP us has wrecked our lives.

The OCD has got worse too. Save that for another post.


So it all hangs on 2009.

update: I am sorry for sounding like a lunatic. When you click on here (and I don't know why you do) you must have your fingers crossed it's not going to be another sad post. It's not so bad, I am sure we will move, not sure how, but hey everything works out in the end.